Sex and the Burrow
by allred12
Summary: Lucy, Rose, Dominique, and Roxanne wake up one morning to find themselves alone and decide to have a casual brunch where they discuss what has been going on lately. Play with Sex in the City characters and Harry Potter.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

a/n: This is a story that popped into my head when I was sick and watching TV. I saw "Sex and the City" and thought '_wow, that would make a hilarious Potter fiction'_. I hope you enjoy and I am still considering making this a three part story. So please enjoy and review.

Sex in the Burrow

"Where did everyone go?" Lucy Weasley asked her cousins. Dominque, Roxanne, and Rose were all seated around the large kitchen table in the burrow, digging in to the remnants of a large brunch. The four girls had all woken up rather late, managing to ignore the loud sounds that accompanied a large family when nearly all the members stayed in one house for a night. The family had gathered in preparation for another memorial service. The adults thought it would be beneficial to have their own, more private gathering of just the family before the absolute craziness of May 2 began.

"Didn't they leave a note?" Roxanne asked searching the massive mess of newspapers and moving coloring books and various other pieces of parchment on the table for her grandmother's familiar handwriting. Dominque began to join her in the hunt. Rose had begun her own search but quickly abandoned it when she had become quickly absorbed in an interesting looking article from one of the various newspapers. She settled down in a kitchen chair and abandoned the search for a note containing any information about the whereabouts of her family.

Three of the girls jumped nearly all the way out of their seats (Lucy even fell on the floor) when Dominque released a blood curdling scream. Laughing, she held up a lost pair of knickers. "Whose do you think these are and _how_ did no one find them before us!"

Roxanne and Lucy joined in on the laughter. Dominique, noticing Rose's clear discomfort decided to be kind and threw the knickers at Rose so that they landed perfectly on her head. Dom smiled triumphantly as Rox and Luce laughed even louder. Rose squealed in obvious disgust "Ewww, Dom these belong to someone in our _family. _That is absolutely disgusting. Someone _wore_ these!"

"And then another person removed them kindly", Roxanne added, keeping a straight face as her cousins embarrassment deepened.

"They might not be from someone in our family", Lucy added. "James could have decided to bring someone home again. I hope so, watching Aunt Gin freak out at him the first time he did that was priceless", she giggled.

"No, even James doesn't have enough guts to do it on the kitchen table. I'm guessing it was one of our parents. It takes a lot of years of becoming comfortable with grandmum's wrath to have enough guts to threaten her kitchen table. Even James is afraid of messing with grandmum when she's in the kitchen. Hugo did it once and I bet he still has the burn from a hot metal spatula on his arse", Dominque added, assessing the situation with an extremely scientific approach.

"For Merlin's sake, can we _please_ stop talking about this, this is our _family _we are discussing", Rose added as she took the knickers from the top of her head and placed them gingerly on the table, as far away from her body as her arm would extend.

"My god, Rose, do you think you just apparated here. Why do knickers scare you, what is the most wild thing you have ever done anyway?" Lucy asked.

"Yeah, don't you ever do anything that's a little _wrong_?" Rox asked her cousin, trying to look as innocent as possible.

"Like hook up with the wrong boy, or ten of the wrong boys, or accidentally set something on fire, or play a prank or read a dirty book or do something", Dominque said as she used her want to heat up her cup of tea again.

"No", Rose said defiantly.

Dominique began to laugh. "Come on, that's impossible."

"Well, not all of us are as wild as you are Dom", Rose fired back.

"Trying to distract us, won't work, we have Rox on our side", Dom laughed.

"I'm not going to tell you", Rose sang.

"Well then, we'll take this knickers to your dad and tell them they are yours", Dom added as she picked up the discarded pair and dangled them in front of Rose.

"No!—don't do that, ok fine, I'll tell you. I got a tattoo", Rose finally said as she dropped her head onto the table with a rather large bang.

"You what?" Lucy and Rox screamed as Dominque looked triumphant.

"I got a tattoo. I was out late with some friends from school and we got drunk. So then I remembered this symbol I found on some of my mum's notes and I decided to get a tattoo of it", Rose said as her head continued to be buried in the mass of newspapers and parchment.

"Where is it", Dom demanded.

"Um, well it's not the most appropriate place", she mumbled.

"Oh, come on. We are your family, what are we going to do, get off is you show us your virgin hip", Dom fired back.

"It's not my hip" she hissed back. Dom blinked her big blue eyes in slight surprise.

Rose removed her jumper then looked around. After assuring herself that no one besides her three cousins were there, she took off her t-shirt underneath. She turned to the side and moved the left cup of her bra towards the center and showed her left side. Sure enough, there was a small black triangle with a circle and a line inside. Lucy stood up and walked over to her younger cousin "What does it mean?"

"I'm not sure. By the time I got it, it would've been too late to ask my mom. She would have been really suspicious. And if she knew I got a tattoo of a symbol that I didn't even know what it meant, then she would kill me. Please don't tell my parents", Rose added looking suddenly very worried.

"Oh, come on, Rosie. You are twenty two years old, what are mummy and daddy going to do to you now?" Rox asked.

"I don't know, take away my funding for my library, take away my lease on my flat, do any number of things", Rose said with extreme sarcasm. She was the youngest cousin at the table and still relied heavily on her parent's help.

"Oh phewy, just get married, and then your husband can pay for you", Lucy added as her left hand glittered in the sunlight streaming in from the kitchen window.

The three other girls looked at her like she was crazy. Lucy, like her sister and like most of the other older female cousins had gotten married no less than two years out of Hogwarts. The younger cousins all seemed to come to a consensus that they would wait, perhaps forever.

"Yeah, but once you tie yourself down, then you're stuck. It's like doing the same thing every night. It _is _doing the same thing every night", Dom said.

"Oh, like you're having such a hopping time right now, Dominque. You've been going through a dry spell for the last year", Roxanne accused.

"That's because I've been so depressed", Dom fired back to defend herself.

"Why?" Rose asked innocently. Happy to have the subject turned away from her.

"I haven't been able to—I haven't been able to have—I can't get an orgasm", Dom said, throwing her hands up in the air.

"Aw, honey", Lucy comforted as she patted Dom on the back and smiled at her apologetically.

"I don't understand. This never happens to me, I mean never. Even if it's bad sex, um, wand sparks usually fly for me" Dom complained.

Lucy's smile faded and she removed her hand from Dom's back, no longer feeling sorry for the young woman.

"Oh, I read this book once about this woman who would get orgasms every day all day, but then one day, they stopped, completely. It was like she used up all her orgasms or something", Rose added, immediately assuming an attitude that her mother had whenever she explained a book too.

"That is the meanest thing you have ever said to me", Dominque said blankly and pointedly, staring back at her cousin with a look of complete fear.

"Where did you get your hands on a book like that?" Roxanne asked, ignoring Dom's apparent meltdown.

"Umm, I found it in my mum's stuff, in a bookshelf in her room. I was looking for an extra pair of pantyhose, and well, I found some stuff that I rather wouldn't have", Rose said with an embarrassed laugh. Roxanne's loud laugh that was just like her father's boomed through the Burrow. Dominque even had to smile at that.

"I always knew Aunt Hermione was kinky like that", Lucy said thoughtfully which caused the girls to laugh even harder.

"I'm what?" Hermione's voice asked through the kitchen door. Most of the girls' aunts and uncles and their own parents walked through the kitchen door trailed by a rather unhappy Lily.

Roxanne was the first to recover, Dominique a close second. "Where were you guys?" the following demanded.

"We were outside on the terrace, but we let you sleep in, along with the boys", Percy said.

"And we were on a walk", Ron added as he gestured to himself and Harry and Lily.

"Why is Lily with you?" Roxanne asked.

"She wanted to come", Ginny lied swiftly. The look on Lily's face was clear.

"I did not want to come", Lily mumbled.

"Then do you want to tell me what you were doing in the kitchen so early?" Ginny hissed at Lily whose lips stuck out as she crossed her arm.

"What are you doing here, where are the boys?" Hermione asked regarding her daughter who was still trying to recover from her mother walking in on her conversation.

"We didn't know that the boys were still here. We just woke up and all came down to eat", Rox said looking at her Hermione. Roxanne maintained a straight face, but her eyes were twinkling. At the word 'eat' Molly Weasley Sr. pushed her way from the group of adults and made her way to take her familiar spot at the sink. She began chopping potatoes and throwing bacon into a huge pan. George regarded her with huge eyes.

"Mum, you just made a huge breakfast", he commented.

"Yeah George, but the boys haven't eaten yet", she replied. George just rolled his eyes as well as several others in response to Molly Weasley's response.

Dominque, now completely recovered from her previous identity crisis and realizing that she had the perfect opportunity since her grandmother was currently distracted remembered that she had one more question. "Um, whose would these be?" she asked as she held up the knickers towards the large part of her family who had recently entered the Burrow. An uncomfortable whisper went around the room.

Suddenly, Lily Potter stepped forward, grabbed the knickers then promptly walked out of the room and went up the stairs to the room she was sharing with the four girls at the table. She stomped up the stairs, slamming every door in her way. When she reached to top of the landing, the whole family heard her shout, "I am never going on an early morning family walk again when I just woke up so I could hide the evidence."

The shock of seeing the youngest family member who could walk step forward and grab the incriminating garment caused the four girls at the table to lose it in laughter while the rest of the family stared at them in complete shock.

"I'm going to kill her", Ginny said as she followed Lily through the house loudly blasting open any door that she came across. Loud shouts of "you were supposed to be the easiest one, you are the bloody youngest and the girl" wafted through the house while Mrs. Weasley hummed softly while she cooked and various other cousins made their way down the step, occasionally bumping into precariously opened doors.


End file.
